The Secret of A Successful Rajma Masala

The only way to survive in the US is to cook. Cook as often as you can and in all the variety that you can muster, and your life will be a bed of roses. There are only so many times that you can eat a Subway sandwich for a meal.

“What would you like sir?”
“A footlong. Bread - Italian Herb and Cheese. Oven-roasted Chicken. All the vegetables."
“What about a drink?”
“This is in itself, going to turn into fat in places where I don’t want it, and you want me to add a sugar-laden drink with no nutritive value on top of that?? Sure why not … One large coke please.”

Of course there a variations on this, but it mostly goes like this
“What would you like sir?”
“Oh you’ve changed your menu. Hmm let me think now….. Still thinking… ok got it! A footlong. Bread - Italian Herb and Cheese. Oven-roasted Chicken. All the vegetables. ”

My roommates rock when it comes to cooking matters. This doesn’t mean that their food they make tastes like rocks, but yeah pretty close to it. It actually helps that we left our tastebuds back in India. They are actually pretty cool people, and generally open to trying out a whole lot of stuff. However, there’s one thing, they draw the line on - Rajma masala, specifically MY Rajma masala. No amount of convincing, pushing, pleading or even begging is going to get them to eat that. If tomorrow an asteroid were to strike the Earth and we were the only survivors, and the only food around was Rajma, they would rather die than eat that stuff. I guess I do have take some of the blame for this. It all boils down to one unfortunate experience about 18 months ago.

We had just moved in together and the first few weeks were a time of heady experimentation in terms of food. Actually, the term “we” would be quite a misnomer. Roshith, decided very early on that he was born to make chicken-curry. He said he had a recipe passed down from his ancestors and that we were just lucky to be his roommates. Soon we realized that his ancestor must have been Neanderthal Man himself, because the chicken was so tough that we had to chew for ages. None of us needed chewing gum after that, just eat a piece of chicken and chew on it all day long. His idea of experimenting with food was whether to cook it on Wednesday or Thursday. He had the feeling that the position of the stars influenced the taste in some way.

Jobi for a long time had a “egg curry” as his standard. This was before he discovered the joys of the oven. Once, he realized that with an oven, the working time could be reduced to 10 minutes, there was no stopping him. Chop onions, tomatoes, sprinkle a little masala and smear it on the fish and throw into the oven. He liked the idea that oil usage was close to minimal. One hour later, smelling something burning he would come to investigate, only to find that … Horror of Horrors!!! …. Anyway, we got used to eating his “very blackened grilled fish”.

Sarath on the other hand is a machine. You don’t see machines making very many mistakes do you? People rave about his sambhar from east coast to the west coast. And his cabbage thoran? Waahh. Amma, I’m sorry but you don’t come close. Obviously, this is an anomaly right? You stand a better chance of going on a long winning streak in Vegas, than having a grad student who is a good cook for a roommate. It was too good to be true and I discovered the scary secret one night. It was his Macbook all along. He was actually being controlled by it.

Sarath: So how much oil should I put?
Macbook : Oh wait! How many Vista users? 3? Ok, then make sure you use the coconut oil. It will kill them of Heart Disease faster.
Sarath: Why are you helping me cook good food? Isn’t it easier to poison?
Macbook: Good food will make them fat. Fat people buy the Macbook Air as it reminds them of their slimmer self.
Both: Mogambo kush ho jayega ….. MUHAAHA HAHA HA.

So I guess, that leaves me and my rajma masala. Oh well, somehow don’t feel like revealing the secret just now. Maybe I’ll just let it die with me. I’m sure my roommates would be only too pleased for that to happen.